Epiphany

You know how you can be reading something, or listening to something/someone and you have a thought or an idea come into your mind.  It isn't always related to what you are reading, or hearing, sometimes it comes to you because you are doing the right things, or are in the right place.  So in effect you have turned your receiver on so that you can intercept the signals that are being transmitted from Heaven.

I think the Lord has been trying to tell me something for a few years now and I have not been willing/able/ready (not sure which or maybe all three) to receive it yet.  I was sitting in the lounge studying a section in Alma (in the Book of Mormon) and read something about the Saviour (can't even remember what it said, or exactly where it was) and as I read it a thought came into my head:

"You have been trying to be a Saviour for your children, that is not your place, only the Saviour can save your children, that is His purpose, not yours."

What a moment that was for me!  I realised that for the past few years I have been trying to do exactly that with my teenagers, save them from themselves.  I have been nagging, controlling, pestering, interrogating, manipulating them - for their own good I told myself, because I have 'been there, done that, got the T-shirt' and don't want them to make the same mistakes, so come hell or high water, they were not going to make the same mistakes, and I would see to it that they didn't!  

It seems silly now to type that and realise how I was behaving, but I guess that is exactly what I was doing.  So this is what I have learned so far and what I am still figuring out as I go along;

I do have responsibilities and duties as a parent, they include:  Family prayers, family scripture reading, family home evening, going to Church on Sundays, getting my children to youth activities, temple trips and seminary meetings, and leading by example.  

If I am doing these things, and I do try my utmost to do them, then I have to let go of the rest and leave it up to the Lord.  

They have made some decisions that are disappointing to me, but the way I have been dealing with them has not been correct.  When I do something that the Lord does not want me to do, how does He deal with me?  Certainly not the way I have been dealing with my children.  The scripture in Doctrine and Covenants 121 comes to mind: 

" 41 No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood [or by me as a parent], only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;

42 By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—

 43 Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;"

I sat my children down and apologised to them.  I explained what I had recently realised and told them that I was going to stop.  I asked for their forgiveness.  They actually looked relieved.  Tears flowed, hugs were given.  

I used to feel like there was a constant battle going on, I was exhausted with the effort, my children were being pushed away and trodden on.  I couldn't remember when last I had had a conversation with them that didn't end up in a lecture and them feeling resentful.  I was trying to carry a load that only the Saviour is capable of carrying.  I was trying to do something that no human being can do.  Now I am FREE, I cannot describe to you the relief I feel.  

I am so grateful for the Holy Ghost which conveyed this message to me, I am grateful for daily scripture study which had me in the right frame of mind - my receiver turned on.  I am grateful to the Saviour for carrying that awful load, so that I don't have to.